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The Origin of Slutty Halloween Costumes « Puppet Kaos - where Kelvin Kao plays with puppets and tell random stories
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Puppet Kaos - where Kelvin Kao plays with puppets and tell random stories

The Origin of Slutty Halloween Costumes

Once upon a time, there was a little town called Apiaoville. The residents were mostly farmers and lived a simple life during this simple time. However, things were about to change when a farmer named Richard George Hoffman was executed.

Hoffman was a honest farmer who grew pumpkins on his land. However, quarrals with fellow farmer Bill Hath over land ownership eventually led to his demise. One day Hath killed another man and framed it on Hoffman. Hath was so clever that the judge believed him and as a result, Hoffman was executed. Little did the town people knew that this was the beginning of a crisis.

On Halloween, the night that the Devil’s magical power was the strongest, a strange event unfolded at the town cemetary. Roger Landley was the first to witness this, as he was a grave digger who was not very good at digging and often had to work extra hours into the night. He saw the soil moving, and finally, fingers started coming out of the ground, and then hands started reaching out. Landley saw this and froze.

He was horrified. What was going on? He wanted to get out of there, but his body apparently wasn’t responding. Finally, zombies started crawling out of the graves, one by one.

Suddenly, he was tapped on the shoulder by a finger. It was cold as Hell and it sent chills up his spine. He jumped up and saw that it was a zombie that touched him. Having snapped out of that frozen state (due to an even colder touch), he ran and ran back into the town. He reported this to the preacher Jonathan Blair. Preacher Blair frowned and told Landley to gather all the town’s people to the meeting house.

An hour later, the whole town was at the meeting house. Some were standing outside peeking through the window, because apparently, not all of them could get in.

“Townspeople, I gather you here to tell you, that the Prophesy of Davidson had been fulfilled,” said Preacher Blair.
“What is that?” Someone asked.
“The Prophesy foretold that when the blood of the innocent is spilled, Hell breaks loose and zombies come out,” said Preacher Blair.

The people started to murmur.

“Now, I gather you here to all think of ways to get rid of the zombies, because Davidson was known as the half-ass prophet and did not foretell that part,” said Preacher Blair, “Any ideas?”
“Fire?” someone shouted out a suggestion.
“Throw Bibles at them?” said another person in the crowd.
“Now those are all very good suggestions,” said Preacher Blair, “but some other zombie-infested towns have tried those and failed. We need something different.”
“Fear!” somebody shouted out. Everybody turned their head. It was Larry Sherlock, the smartest man in town.
“Can you elaborate on that, Mr. Sherlock?” asked Preacher Blair.
“I think we should fight fear with fear,” said Sherlock, “If we all dress up as ghosts that’s even scarier than theirs, maybe they will be scared to death, again.”
“It’s so crazy that it just might work!” said Preacher Blair.

So people all went home and dressed up as ghosts and they proceeded to the cemetary. When the townspeople and zombies finally met each other face to face, the townspeople started to do the scariest faces that they could think of. However, the zombies were not terrified at all and proceeded to kill people.

“Run away!” Preacher Blair declared. People all started running away. Mary Silverman was among the one running away. However, when she was running, her dress was caught in tree branches and that tore off the fabric. She was standing there with her luscious bare legs showing.

The townspeople (especially the guys) all stopped to stare at her legs, forgetting that there were zombies, while the zombies actually ran away in fear. The townspeople were relieved, but puzzled. They looked at one another and scratched their heads.

The preacher thought for a while and finally figured out what was going on.

“People, let’s not forget all these zombies all died quite a while ago and you know what that means?” said the Preacher.
Everybody shook his or her head.
“They were really old ghosts which means they are very conservative ghosts! Really conservative ghosts were terrified of legs!” said the Preacher, “Ghost costumes are not enough to scare them, but slutty costumes are! If this ever happen again, we shall all dress up slutty and they will be scared away!”

Everybody agreed. So the next time it happened, they were prepared with their sexy nurse, sexy schoolgirl, sexy maid, and all these other sexy costumes. And this was the origin of all the slutty costumes today.

Comments

  1. November 2nd, 2009 | 6:09 pm

    This made me laugh out loud! 😀

  2. November 3rd, 2009 | 2:04 am

    Hehe. Reading it again, I just noticed that the preacher’s name is Blair. Nope, it was not a reference to Blair Witch Project. I just used whatever name that came to mind first as I rushed this one out in 45 minutes.

  3. November 3rd, 2009 | 1:54 pm

    So awesome Kelvin! I love your stories. Keep them coming!

    Melissa Donovan’s last blog post..How to Use Research for Better Writing (and Credibility)

  4. November 4th, 2009 | 2:50 am

    Will do! :-)

  5. November 4th, 2009 | 7:34 am

    Great story!! They used to have an outdoor Halloween Ball in my college town! The costumes were beyond slutty! One couple decided to go where no others had gone on top of a car in front of a cheering crowd. No more Halloween Ball for our town :-(

  6. November 4th, 2009 | 1:40 pm

    OMG, that’s AWESOME!

    I love it.

    Stacie’s last blog post..28 Things I Have Learned From My Jobs

  7. November 5th, 2009 | 1:49 am

    @Dr. J: Ah, damn those people who take it too far and ruin it for the future years. But then again, sometimes college towns just crack on whatever traditions whether it gets out of hand or not. You can always count on students to come up with something else though!

    @Stacie: Glad that you liked it. :-)

  8. November 5th, 2009 | 1:01 pm

    Hehe glad to know there’s actually an explanation.

    Vered’s last blog post..Stupid Beauty Trends

  9. November 5th, 2009 | 3:44 pm

    Can’t explain stupid beauty trends though. 😀

  10. Na
    February 5th, 2010 | 6:01 pm

    You forgot one… the slutty ventriloquist doll or marionette! 😛

  11. February 6th, 2010 | 4:05 am

    Can’t say I’ve seen one of those…

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