subscribe to rss feed
subscribe by email

Puppet Kaos - where Kelvin Kao plays with puppets and tell random stories

Twitter

One thing I love about Twitter is that they are short. A lot of times I would have a random idea that just pops into my head. It might be clever. It might be stupid and yet entertaining. It’s something that can’t really be developed into a full story or an article, but it feels sort of brilliant at the moment. So what can I do with the idea? Well, I can post it on Twitter!

For example, I would be reading about someone using “I just need more space” as an excuse for breaking up with his girlfriend, instead of thinking “man, what a lame excuse!” (okay, maybe I did) or “that’s a load of crap”, I thought “You know who would love to see more space? Astronomers and astronauts!”. And then I would proceed to chuckle to myself cuz that thought amused me.

Maybe the fact that English isn’t my first language has something to do with it. I often see weird associations between words that other people just wouldn’t see. I remember once I was playing an improv game where there’s a cast member hosting a party and has to guess the identities of his guests. One of them was Sherlock Holmes. When the party host was having a hard time guessing it, I did not come into the scene to do detective stuff, or talk to some Dr. Watson or anything. Instead, I came in as the landlord and said, “I heard you will be going on a vacation, so I want to give you this reminder: be SURE to LOCK your HOMES.” See? Nobody else would come up with something like that.

So, since there are weird ideas (often play-on-words) that pop into my head all the time, I figure I would put down those thoughts somewhere. And Twitter is perfect for that. So here’s a collection of some of them. If you already follow me on Twitter, you’ve probably seen many of these and hopefully found them somewhat amusing.

  • An astronaut said he wanted to break up with his girlfriend. Girlfriend asked why. He said he just needs more space.
  • A juice blender was broken. When you turn it on, all it does is vibrate and does not blend. It was sold to James Bond.
  • Charlie was a baby boomer. He escaped from prison one day but cops are not worried, They knew that when a boomer ran, he always came back.
  • Bob always have lots of dead lines to meet. Bob is a telephone line repairman.
  • The package has arrived and the online tracking system said it’s signed by “front door”. Teaching my door to write finally paid off.
  • A forbidden fruit a day keeps the doctor away.
  • When you say “hehe”, it’s a very light laugh because it has a combined mass of 8.005204 amu.
  • I am bad at geography but at least I don’t think America is India. How come he gets a day named after him?
  • Did you know? You can’t spell “fine art” without “fart”
  • Also, you can’t spell “bar food” without “barf”
  • Don’t talk to walls. They don’t have ears. Try corn instead.
  • A donkey cloned himself. A horse saw it and said “nice ass”. The donkey said “Yep, I totally made an ass out of myself.”
  • The book title “The Old Man and the Sea” provides subtle linguistic cues that makes old people want to go on a cruise.
  • If a picture is worth a thousand words, then a fake picture is equivalent to an one-thousand-word lie.
  • I am a radical person. I get to the root of everything, no matter how complex, whether real or imaginary.
  • Just realized that “Connecticut” contains both the word “connect” and “cut”.
  • What is love? Good question. The answer is, of course, “baby, don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me, no more.” Simple.
  • The dive board is an invention based on humans’ primitive desire to jump off a cliff.
  • When musicians look at the FACE, they can read between the lines.

And I will write more whenever I am inspired.

Comments

  1. January 18th, 2010 | 5:18 am

    You know what, I think you are gifted when it comes to words association. Continue what you are doing, I believe there’s something good is in store for you. :-)

    Walter’s last blog post..Criticism: the unwanted mentor

  2. January 19th, 2010 | 2:01 am

    Thanks, Walter. :-)

  3. January 20th, 2010 | 6:37 pm

    Hi Kelvin,

    Those were very funny!

    I can understand what you say about the differences in what you see, based on being English your second language since for me it is also my second language.

    It is crazy and sometimes complicated when, while participating in a conversation, something said becomes really funny for you and the others look at you like “what’s with you” Many times you just cannot explain.

    Raul

    Alien Ghost’s last blog post..The Business of Love and the Job of Marriage

  4. January 21st, 2010 | 5:01 am

    Hi Raul!

    Oh, and sometimes we will hear stuff that sounds like something else (that’s goofy) in another language. Those jokes can only be shared with bilingual speakers who happen to have the same combination of languages, unfortunately.

  5. January 21st, 2010 | 5:16 pm

    LOL!!
    I think you have a talent too!!

    Oh, but don’t get me started – *Japanese* is a really funny language!! mimi=nose, momo=peach (I read a book about a character called Momo & a Japanese TV series with another character called Mom and just burst laughing!) & kao=face! (in Croatian, ‘kao’=’like’ and it’s used in intellectual Slovenian slang too, lol! as in, he’s a wannabe or something! Difficult to translate, really!)

    I kept laughing when reading ‘beginners Japanese’ and my sister thought I was crazy!
    (She speaks fluent intermediate Japanese, and shares 2 of my languages, but not several others! And even saw some of the same movies/series!)
    Dad (who doesn’t speak any of those shared languages! and hasn’t seen the books/series) thought some of those were funny too!!
    So, part of it may just be a mystery?? Or some people find fun in languages/funny noises/sounds? (Dad also likes McAuley Culkin, I warn you!)

    Then I asked her (with straight face) ‘Maybe you just don’t have a sense of humor?’ LOL (She does!!)

    PS Have you tried submitting to any of the humor agencies/card/magnet companies or such?

  6. January 21st, 2010 | 5:19 pm

    Oops, Dad does understand/speak some Croatian, my bad!
    So some shared languages! And Mimi is such a silly French name, no? :)

    Still, I think some of it may transcend even languages (or common sense!)

    Great blog post!!

  7. January 22nd, 2010 | 3:43 am

    Hi Layla! 😀

    I did not know my last name means all these things in all these different languages. It means “tall” in Chinese. Actually, Chinese people usually translate it to “Gao” but we Taiwanese people usually translate it to “Kao”.

    By the way, several hours ago I was just walking and humming a Chinese song. It’s about Autumn, which is “Cho”. Part of the lyrics says “Oh, Autumn”, which is “Oh, Cho”, and I thought “Ocho? Ocho means eight in Spanish!” Again, I amused myself.

    It’s cool that you have all these different languages in your family!

  8. January 23rd, 2010 | 2:13 am

    Brilliant! You definitely have a great eye for catching subtleties in language. A lot of these made me laugh, but my personal favorite simply made me smile: “When musicians look at the FACE, they can read between the lines.” Do you play music?

    Melissa Donovan’s last blog post..Who Has the Best Writing Ideas?

  9. January 23rd, 2010 | 2:17 am

    You guys all make me wish I was completely bilingual. Multi-lingual actually. I know a little French from the five years I took in high school and college and a few words in other languages that I’ve picked up here and there. I really want to learn Hindi. And Hebrew. Spanish. Japanese. My goodness, the list goes on and on. I better get busy (yeah right, like I have time for that).

    Melissa Donovan’s last blog post..Who Has the Best Writing Ideas?

  10. January 23rd, 2010 | 4:01 am

    My aunt used to teach me to play the piano when I was little, but I quited after the beginning level. I guess I wasn’t that patient. In my senior year of college, I paid my friend to teach me more piano playing and music theory. I am actually more interested in theory. I am still not good at sight reading or playing but I have a much better understanding of how music works now. It’s fun to know some theory because sometimes I can look at someone playing the piano and have some understanding of why the hands are doing certain things, though I don’t have the dexterity to do it myself.

    Do you play music?

  11. January 24th, 2010 | 2:17 pm

    I played the flute when I was a little girl; later I took a piano class and a few guitar lessons. I’m fairly out of practice now. However, I am a passionate music lover. I am interested in both theory and playing and have been going through the scales on my guitar recently. I’d like to write some songs, put some of my poetry to music :) I think dexterity comes with practice; it’s just a matter of building muscle memory.

    Melissa Donovan’s last blog post..Who Has the Best Writing Ideas?

  12. January 24th, 2010 | 10:00 pm

    Hehe, Hooray for being multi-talented! Do share when you write songs. 😉

  13. Na
    February 2nd, 2010 | 1:11 am

    I love the ‘hehe’ joke! Ah, the puns, so many puns…

  14. February 2nd, 2010 | 2:54 am

    Here’s another one:
    Jerry is very good at what he does. To him, the job is just a walk in the park. Jerry is a dog-walker.

  15. Na
    February 2nd, 2010 | 3:04 am

    *shakes head* oh, dear… I’ve started something now, haven’t I? :)

Leave a reply

CommentLuv badge