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May « 2010 « Puppet Kaos - where Kelvin Kao plays with puppets and tell random stories
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Puppet Kaos - where Kelvin Kao plays with puppets and tell random stories

Barked at a Dog Today

Today, I barked at a dog.

No, it’s not some kind of metaphor. I literally barked at a dog tonight.

I was driving back from work at night. When I was opening the gate to the parking garage of our apartment complex, I saw an animal. It was most likely a dog, but I wasn’t sure because it was dark.

“Is that a stray dog?” I thought. While stray dogs are quite commonly seen when I was growing up in Taiwan, I don’t really see those in Southern California. I parked the car and went to the entrance to see whether it was actually a dog.

Yep, it was. You know how I knew? Because it was barking and running towards me. I was walking away but then thought that would just make it chase me more. I decided to stop. It stopped too, hesitating.

I thought about my options. I could get into a staring contest with it until it got bored and walked away (maybe). Or I could try to open the door into the apartment complex that’s a few feet away, so if it decided to chase me, I could just lock it behind the door. I would have to move towards the door and use my key to unlock it first though, so it wasn’t the fastest option. This was when the dog barked again, pressing me to make up my mind, I guess.

So like any normal person, I decided to bark at the dog.

Now, I have a low-pitch voice, so when I bark, I sound more like a big dog than a small dog. Also, I’ve done college theater without microphones. I could go really loud if I really want to.

So I barked once. The dog got that “Oh shit, what’s going on?” look on its face.

It seemed a little intimidated, so I barked some more… this time, way louder.

And then it got really scared and hurriedly ran back out. 😀

What a useless dog! Oh, and it wasn’t a stray dog. It was wearing a collar but wasn’t on a leash. When it ran out, a woman with another dog on a leash walked by.

I asked her if that was her dog. She apologized. Before I walked away, I shouted to her, “I won!”

So that’s my story of beating a dog in a barking contest.

How to make Caesar salad

Every night, when it’s quiet, I think about how to provide more value to my readers. Sure, I talk about puppets, Power Rangers, and so on, but truth to be told, those things are not all that useful to most of you.

So, what should I do? And then it hit me. I’ve seen recipes on so many blogs, many of which not even food-related. These blogs can be about making money online, personal development, parenthood, or whatever, but they all have recipes from time to time. That’s why I decided that I got to put some recipes here too!

So here’s the first installation: how to make Caesar salad. And of course, I am going to take it up a notch and provide some information that you won’t see in other people’s recipes because I am such an awesome blogger.

Ingredients: romaine lettuce, croutons, parmesan cheese, lemon juice, olive oil, egg, anchovy, Worcestershire sauce, black pepper, eggplant, corn starch, uranium

Steps:

1. Carefully clean each leaf of the romaine lettuce. Chop it up.

2. Peel the parmesan cheese, and then finely dice it. Then, use a buttering knife to crush it into a paste. Put this paste on the croutons.

3. Next, we make the dressing. Mix the lemon juice, olive oil, egg (beaten, not stirred), Worcestershire sauce, and black pepper into two tea spoons of water. Stir until it has an even consistency.

4. Fillet the anchovy. Add it to the romaine lettuce and croutons. Put the dressing on it. Set it aside.

5. Next, put the eggplant, corn starch, and uranium into a baking pan. (You can buy uranium at your supermarket’s baking supply aisle. I buy the organic stuff from the farmer’s market.) Put this into the oven and bake it at 500 degrees for about an hour.

6. Open the oven. The chemicals released by the eggplant, corn starch and uranium should create significant energy vibration. This is called a tri-sprintec reaction and it will generate a black hole. This enables you to time travel. Take the salad you set aside and step into the black hole. (Caution: You want to be careful, as the oven might be hot.)

7. Make sure you step into the black hole at 23 miles per hour in the north-east-west direction. This brings you to Rome of year 50 BC.

8. Find Julius Caesar and give the salad to him.

And that’s all the steps it takes. You now know how to make Caesar salad (and bring it to him too). 😀

What You Can Learn From Popeye The Video Game

Have you ever played the Popeye arcade/NES game? This game, which first came out in 1982, has many hidden messages within the simplistic game-play. Whether you agree with the messages or not, you’ve got to acknowledge that they are there. (This post is based on something I wrote in 2006.)

1. A girl may give you her heart, but if you don’t pick it up right away (1), it will kill you once the time is up (2). Cause of death? Broken hearts (3), of course.

2. Girls love dropping off letters.

3. When a girl is playing music for you, you better take notes. Otherwise, you will die.

4. There is always someone between you and the girl you like. That guy is, of course, an asshole with ten times the muscles you have.

5. When the fat guy bends over, move away! Or you get killed.

6. Your only hope for beating the big muscle-y man is weed. With weed, you can feel invincible and that confidence will make the muscle-y guy run away. You can chase after him and punch him in the face, but the effect wears off very soon and things go back to the way they were. Unfortunately, while weed is useful, the supply is low. (Or wait, is the lesson: eat more vegetables instead? I am not so sure.)

Who said video games aren’t educational?

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