How to make Caesar salad
Every night, when it’s quiet, I think about how to provide more value to my readers. Sure, I talk about puppets, Power Rangers, and so on, but truth to be told, those things are not all that useful to most of you.
So, what should I do? And then it hit me. I’ve seen recipes on so many blogs, many of which not even food-related. These blogs can be about making money online, personal development, parenthood, or whatever, but they all have recipes from time to time. That’s why I decided that I got to put some recipes here too!
So here’s the first installation: how to make Caesar salad. And of course, I am going to take it up a notch and provide some information that you won’t see in other people’s recipes because I am such an awesome blogger.
Ingredients: romaine lettuce, croutons, parmesan cheese, lemon juice, olive oil, egg, anchovy, Worcestershire sauce, black pepper, eggplant, corn starch, uranium
Steps:
1. Carefully clean each leaf of the romaine lettuce. Chop it up.
2. Peel the parmesan cheese, and then finely dice it. Then, use a buttering knife to crush it into a paste. Put this paste on the croutons.
3. Next, we make the dressing. Mix the lemon juice, olive oil, egg (beaten, not stirred), Worcestershire sauce, and black pepper into two tea spoons of water. Stir until it has an even consistency.
4. Fillet the anchovy. Add it to the romaine lettuce and croutons. Put the dressing on it. Set it aside.
5. Next, put the eggplant, corn starch, and uranium into a baking pan. (You can buy uranium at your supermarket’s baking supply aisle. I buy the organic stuff from the farmer’s market.) Put this into the oven and bake it at 500 degrees for about an hour.
6. Open the oven. The chemicals released by the eggplant, corn starch and uranium should create significant energy vibration. This is called a tri-sprintec reaction and it will generate a black hole. This enables you to time travel. Take the salad you set aside and step into the black hole. (Caution: You want to be careful, as the oven might be hot.)
7. Make sure you step into the black hole at 23 miles per hour in the north-east-west direction. This brings you to Rome of year 50 BC.
8. Find Julius Caesar and give the salad to him.
And that’s all the steps it takes. You now know how to make Caesar salad (and bring it to him too). 
Comments(16)
This is hilarious!!! You’re spot on about the recipes being everywhere too–we’re all food obsessed. Personally, I’d like to travel back in time and not eat so much…
Don’t worry. Caesar is not known for sharing food. That’s why brutus stabbed him with a steak knife. Or so I think. I don’t know. Our history education failed me.
What… no… I want to stab him and eat the salad myself.
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I would just make you another one, but I know, it’s not the same.
You make it sound so easy! I’m gonna try this tonight… unless, of course, my ever sensible wife stops me.
Tony Single’s last blog post..Stop That Muse!
Just tell her you are taking her on a trip to Rome!
Hi Kelvin,
You’re right. This is NOT the typical Caesar Salad recipe. The time travel part sounds pretty awesome.
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Kelvin,
I am so pleased that I found you site via Barbara’s site — I enjoy your comments there very much.
This post is hysterical. I needed a good laugh and you provided it:~) I loved the uranium added to the Caesar Salad, along with the eggplant and the corn starch. I will definitely have to visit my grocery store’s baking section and find the uranium. However, I’m not sure my boyfriend, who is a chef, will let fix the salad according to your recipe, but I will try because I love to time travel.
I would definitely look for Julius. After all, the month I was born was named after him….so how I resist????
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@Barbara: Oh, of course. I would not post any recipe that’s typical.
@Sara: Thanks! I love the squirrel story too! I had no idea that July was named after Julius. That explained everything. I mean, Augustus has got to get that kind of narcissism from somewhere, right?
LOL! I can’t stop laughing at this. I knew it was going to be funny when I saw uranium listed, but when you got to the bit about the black hole, I really did laugh out loud
“Please sir, can I have some more?”
Hi awesome blogger
Sounds delicious – can’t wait to give it a try.
Just one question – what’s romaine lettuce?
Look forward to your next recipe.
Keith Davis’s last blog post..Laugh and the world…
@Naomi: What? Really? Is it uncommon to see mentions of black holes in recipes?
@Keith: Apparently it reached the West via Rome (you know, where Caesar is) and that’s why it’s called romaine lettuce.
Well, maybe they are more common than we think! Maybe the black holes aren’t feeding. If they were, they’d give off light, and we could see them and then we’d know just how many are commonly found in recipes
PS. Mmm, I’m such a geek!
I understand all the process to prepare this salad but I’m confused about the way to achieve the specified 23 MPH at the moment of stepping into the black hole. Should we use a skateboard, a scooter or something similar? I cannot run that fast!
Also, to give the right north-east-west direction, can I set the oven in the backyard in a turning table? Will it change the end results?
By the way, is it OK to use generic uranium? (it’s cheaper!)
Raul
Alien Ghost’s last blog post..Hooking Up On Love
The turning table is a great idea! Go ahead and do it.
Generic uranium works but the black hole stability may vary. Try a few different brands for best result.