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Puppet Kaos - where Kelvin Kao plays with puppets and tell random stories

Russian Spy Ring Case Likely a Movie Promotion Stunt

The timing of the arrest of the 10 Russian spies this month prompted serious questions about whether it had to do with an upcoming film. The movie, titled “Salt” and starring Angelina Jolie, was about CIA agent Evelyn Salt who was accused of being a KGB sleeper agent and was on the run to clear her name. The date which the arrests took place was right before the release of the movie and this raised suspicions among the public, especially the conspiracy theorists.

Today, a confidential document leaked from a major movie distribution studio confirmed that it was indeed a publicity stunt. The 10-page document was a contract between the FBI and the studio detailing the responsibilities of each party and the payout structure. The FBI was to coincide the time of the arrests with the film release to bring more hype to the movie, and in return, the studio would pay a commission based on the box ticket numbers.

In fact, there were more of these contracts between the FBI and movie studios that were leaked. For example, the FBI has been secretly monitoring many alien robots in disguise. These robots, known as the Decepticons, are hiding in plain sight as cars, cassette players, and other household items. According to the contract, the FBI was to make the arrest just prior to the July, 2011 release of Transformers 3 for it to gain publicity. However, the FBI denied the authenticity of the said document.

“Yes, we are keeping tabs on alien robots,” said Agent Fox Mulder, the FBI agent in charge of investigating extraterrestrial and paranormal activities. “But the claim that we based our investigation on movie release dates simply isn’t true. This is not happening.”

In yet another document, details of a collaboration between law enforcement and movie studios were laid out for an upcoming Western. According to the agreement, 10 Indians would be arrested just prior to the release of the film featuring the classic cowboys versus Indians match-up. The document even went into details about how the arrest would be carried out. The following leaked text clearly indicated the FBI’s intention to make these arrests in groups of three: “One little, two little, three little Indians; Four little, five little, six little Indians; Seven little, eight little, nine little Indians; Ten little Indian Boys.”

Local enforcement seemed to be displeased with the FBI’s involvement in these cases.

“Look, the cowboys and Indians had stopped fighting long ago,” said Texas Ranger Cordell Walker, who was himself a cowboy. “The war was over, much like the Cold War and they should stop picking fights just for movie promotions.”

“I have worked in law enforcement around Hollywood for a long time,” said Detective Axel Foley of the Beverly Hill Cops. “Never have I thought the relationship between law enforcement and the movie industry would be tangled together like this.”

The FBI denied its involvement with these movie promotion deals, but announced that it would start an internal investigation headed by its own lie detection expert Dr. Cal Lightman, assisted by consultant Patrick Jane from the California Bureau of Investigation.

“This case was so bizarre that it could be made into a movie,” said a film director who declined to be named. “Don’t be too surprised if you see it in theaters everywhere next year. The truth is out there and it’s stranger than fiction.”


  1. July 16th, 2010 | 10:56 am

    Hi Kelvin,

    That was very funny! 

    Let’s hope the oil problem in the gulf is not a promotion stunt for a movie in all the 2012 craze. We’ll have to keep an eye on what’s released next.


    Alien Ghost’s last blog post..Blogging and Telepathy

  2. July 16th, 2010 | 12:04 pm

    If that were true, we can sort of predict the future by looking at movie releases, huh? 😀

  3. July 17th, 2010 | 6:10 am

    Oh dear, I’d hate to see what kind of promotional stunt they try to pull with something like Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs or The Exorcist! 😛

    Tony Single’s last blog post..Chickentalk

  4. July 17th, 2010 | 1:07 pm

    Hm, the meatball one actually sounds like it has great potential for being quite delicious. Yeah… not so much with the exorcist one.

  5. July 17th, 2010 | 1:47 pm

    As I was reading this I was really starting to wonder. Then I noticed the tag at the top “fiction”. Heh, funny, though.

    Bamboo Forest – Tick Tock Timer’s last blog post..Why You Shouldn’t Care What Other People Think About You

  6. July 17th, 2010 | 7:08 pm

    Hey, Bamboo, you are the Pun Intended guy, right? This your new website?

    Yeah, I meant for the beginning to be at least somewhat real, but even if you didn’t see the tags, you will probably start to notice all the fictional TV and film characters used as real people. It’s sort of like a game of who can catch all the pop culture references! 😀

  7. July 18th, 2010 | 1:56 am

    For a nanosecond, I really thought that it was true… then I got to the part about the decepticons and said, oh that Kelvin, he’s such a devious trixster.

    good post, sir. good post.

    Katrina’s last blog post..Bitches Be Throwin’ Shade

  8. July 18th, 2010 | 2:10 am

    What? Decepticons can soooo be real. 😛

  9. July 18th, 2010 | 7:23 am

    Hi Kelvin
    What a great idea, watching from across the pond it did appear rather strange.
    The conspiracy theorists must be rubbing their hands.
    It had all the right ingredients for a Hollywood Blockbuster – spies, glamorous young woman.
    Trouble is, it all ended without a big shootout and a hero.
    Then again… perhaps it was all coincidence!

    Keith Davis’s last blog post..A splash of colour

  10. July 18th, 2010 | 9:34 am

    @ Kelvin: It’s a creative idea :) Yes, my home base is indeed Pun Intended. But, Tick Tock Timer is my other website, which also houses a blog 😀

    Bamboo Forest – Tick Tock Timer’s last blog post..Why You Shouldn’t Care What Other People Think About You

  11. July 18th, 2010 | 5:01 pm

    LMAO Kelvin. I’m writing a book about killer Oompa Loompa’s. Keep it to yourself but I’ve bribed the police to raid Willy Wonka’s factory a week before it’s released.

    Cath Lawson’s last blog post..New Business Mistakes: The Hidden Startup Killers

  12. July 18th, 2010 | 8:11 pm

    @Keith Davis: I don’t really think it has anything to do with the movie release, but I am a little puzzled about how little these “spies” have done, according to the FBI anyway.

    @Bamboo: Ah, I see. Will take a look when I am not on the iPad.

    @Cath: That sounds interesting. Do. Show it to me when you are done. But I have to remind you that it’s Charlie’s Chocolate Factory now. 😀

  13. July 20th, 2010 | 10:02 am

    Kelvin — I love your mind!! How do you think up these stories? At first, I really thought you were going for the conspiracy theory stuff and then I read on….

    I like how you can make me start at one place with my brows furrowed in wonder and then take me to the beginning of a smile, which led to the part the arrest of the Indians and I read this with pure laughter. To the point that my boyfriend in the office next door, asked me what was so funny! I’ll pass on this story as I think he will enjoy it.

    Hey…as long as they don’t start arresting puppets the next time there’s a Sesame Street movie. That would be do for me. I would have to start a counter conspiracy movement:~)

    Sara’s last blog post..Story Photo: The Special Guest

  14. July 20th, 2010 | 11:37 am

    I don’t remember exactly how I arrived at the story but I think this is what I went through:

    If the arrests had something to do with the movie, who else could be spying on us? The French? The German? The Martians? Oh, I know, alien robots! They’ve been hiding. Let’s arrest them right before the Transformers movie!

    And then it’s just how I write stories: Here’s something serious. Okay, now here’s something that’s a wink-wink, something a little bit ridiculous. Got it? Okay. Now here’s something totally absurd. 😀

  15. July 20th, 2010 | 11:43 am

    And then while we are talking about movies, let’s stick more TV and film references in there as if they are real people.

    Let’s arrest aliens. Who at the FBI investigate aliens? Agent Mulder.
    Let’s throw in some lyrics, because I like to randomly quote lyrics in my writing as if they are regular sentences. And that often comes out interesting because I have to really frame everything else around it to justify why sentence is there and appearing the way it does.
    While we are talking about cowboys, let’s throw in a Chuck Norris reference, because he is bad ass.
    While we are talking about law enforcement and Hollywood, let’s throw in a Beverly Hill Cops references.
    Oh, and I’ve been watching Lie to Me. Must throw it in there for no good reason.

    So just patch everything together and there’s a story. Kind of a weird way to write. 😀

  16. July 21st, 2010 | 5:18 pm

    LOL Kelvin – now I feel guilty. I like Charlie – he doesn’t deserve to have his factory raided. I wonder where else those pesky Oompa Loompas hang out.

    Cath Lawson’s last blog post..Who Really Makes The Buying Decision?

  17. July 23rd, 2010 | 12:43 am

    Looks like they got another puzzle for you. 😉

  18. August 12th, 2010 | 7:57 pm

    I love this post. I thought it was awesome timing–I’m sure the movie execs were rubbing their hands together in pure glee!

  19. August 18th, 2010 | 2:35 am

    Oh, I too, am rubbing my hands together in pure glee, although I don’t really make any money from writing this post. 😀

  20. July 23rd, 2011 | 12:02 pm

    Kevin you have a very creative mind and have a funny way of telling stories. I think every bit of news can have a humorous side.. and it should =) I look forward to reading more stgories throughout your site. You have kept me very entertained thus far!


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